Preparing for Madam

A royal treat
I might have mentioned that Malawians have a somewhat determined way of going about their cleaning. Statement not judgement. It’s an almost impossible ritual to understand for mere zungus like me here. They get up early every morning and sweep the dusty grounds and paths around their house, lifting a dustcloud that could instantly kill a cystic fribotic! This redistributes the soil for a couple of hours at most before it turns back to its former state. They also subject the floors at work to a daily round of energetic mopping, while other modes of basic sanitation are often overlooked (no soap by the taps; theatres cluttered with infection pools; often run out of antiseptic solutions and sterile gloves etc). Furthermore, since bins are hardly ever used/available here, this ritual becomes necessary to prevent a pile up of debris from the patients and visitors.
Lately however, the ritual has been scaled up to unprecedented heights. The rate of mopping has at least doubled. Nooks and crannies that weren’t being reached before are now getting their long awaited scrub. Termite-infested beams are being replaced. Each air vent in the walls is being individually cleaned to a sparkle. On top of that, the whole building and grounds of the hospital are being revamped. Painting here, there and everywhere. Even the potholes have been filled!! And what do we owe this surge of polishing to? Well, it will be one linked to the highly anticipated visit from none other than our brand new first lady! I wonder what the preparations would have been, had it been the president himself showing up here! This visit falls under the umbrella of a wider breast-feeding and maternal health campaign. Not surprising then that only maternity ward gets the full upgrade while other wards, only a superficial one with potential losses to pay for maternity. New sofas, new bed linen, new coat of paint and all just for maternity. I’m not against maternity you know, but what about paeds for example? And the others?!
Ironically, there’s also been a repainting of some signs in the hospital, which boasts a child-friendly policy, whereby no outside drinks are allowed in so mothers can breastfeed freely. There’s a ubiquitous picture of a woman breast-feeding on the hospital walls, which I always found quite amusing as it looked like the woman (man!) had only 1 breast. They attacked this photograph with an unleashed zeal to change it and I thought it was because of my perceived amusement at them. However the real reason came later as I was told that the woman (man!) was not looking at the baby and had to be altered. The fact that she (he!!) had only one breast, for its part, remained unaltered!
So, on Thursday, there was a distinctly palpable sense of excitement in the air in Ntcheu. Nobody wanted to say it but it was there to be read on their faces: “what’s this year’s calendar highlight got in store for me?” Management were getting their knickers all tied up in a twist, not sure what the best way to impress her highness would be. Not less since ministry officials would be spotted a least a week in advance around the hospital grounds doing spot checks and cracking the whip at this and that. So among other things, they asked for all the long-burnt out fluorescent light tubes to be replaced (bearing in mind that Her Highness’ visit would be taking place during broad daylight hours!). All the little bricks that go around the trees in the hospital yard also got dealt a new and tasteless coat of white paint. The original natural appearance was by far more attractive, especially as it did not involve unsightly spillages of white stuff on all these beautiful plants and the grass. The ultimate tribute to this great celebration came in probably the most prestigious form, according to Malawian custom- the issue of new commemorative chitenjis! Everyone is claiming theirs already. Such a cheap easy way to win an electorate- free tshirts and printed rectangular cloths! All style. No substance.
Unfortunately (?thankfully) I was not present when the auspicious event finally materialised on Friday, as I had to dash to Lilongwe before the crack of dawn to deliver a lecture at the physio dept training. But I sought active feedback on the outcome of the visit, slightly deeper than the customary “it went well” Malawian reply! She spent a couple of hours around the village health centres, being entertained to some traditional dances (not exactly breastfeeding related but hey!) and gave some Mk75000 to the best performance. As for the hospital, the visit lasted an impressive half-hour! She spent most of it on the new sofas in maternity ward and paraded around the shiny-floored, brightly-lit corridors only for as long as it took to get there from the main entrance. No pledges were made to upgrade the hospital, obviously since it looked like we were doing extremely well already. I wonder if that’s the reason why politicians here (and worldwide) always seem to think they’re doing a great job. Everything gets sorted to an impressive (hmm misleading) perfection every time they turn up, and as soon as they leave, all the mess, squeezed tight in those cupboards, spills back out in its ugly unsightliness again! I wonder how long it will be till Ntcheu’s natural beat of indifference resumes...

PS: unfortunately no photos for now as I've lost my camera recently. Will try and rectify soon (as I go round "borrowing" from my friends!)